We all love our pets to distraction and want to keep them happy. Since it’s hard for pets to roll a joint, a Seattle company is working feverishly to fix that problem by developing a pot patch for pooches. Yup, you read that right, a transdermal drug delivery system for marijuana for dogs.
Cannabis sativa, weed, bud, pot, smoke, ganja, whacky tobacci, call it what you will, it all does pretty much the same thing. That is, unless you bought some of that really killer shit they grow up in Mendocino County, California.
Since dogs can’t eat brownies, you know, those brownies, the ones hippies in the old days referred to as Happy Hemp Squares, today, the latest in eco-chic is medical marijuana patches for Brandon, the Bichon Frise in the Prius over there with the hemp collar and matching leash. No chemo for this progressive pet parent, no way, that’s too mainstream.
As my Grandmother used to often say, when she saw something that would have mortified her mother, “I’ve just lived too long!”. But, Granny joined the beat generation when her friend Bernice came down with cancer. Bernice could not, for the life of her, fight the nausea that accompanied the chemotherapy treatment.
Rapidly losing weight, poor Bernice was just skin and bones. That is, until her doctor prescribed smoking pot. Well, that sure changed Granny’s tune when it came to what she thought of what those dirty hippies were up to in Mendocino County in a hurry. Bernice, for the first time in weeks could hold down her food.
Why would a dog need medical marijuana?
“Because dogs suffer from the same maladies that humans do. It’s a question of quality of life,” the patent owner Alekson of the pot patch said.
While the patch does conjure visions of pups wearing peace sign medallions, suede vests with fringe and flowers in their hair, Alekson says pets suffer greatly from pain – everything from arthritis to cancer.
Alekson, the proud Papa of three adorable little Papillons, says the pot patch is far more… mellow. I can think of a few humans I’d like to slap that patch on, but never mind.
“I’d much rather they were on something holistic as opposed to something chemical that I know is breaking down some of the organs in their body,” he said. Groovy, man. Far out.
Hate to harsh your mellow, but the patch does pose a few problems with the local fuzz. Did I just say fuzz? Holy crap, I sound like a nerd from a bad 70’s sitcom. Picture this, you’re minding your own business, when the Feds roll up to your yurt with CAMP in tow ready to slap your doggie in rehab and you in prison for being a pooch patch dealer or dog pot pusher.
Until the day arrives, that laws in states that do allow medical marijuana for humans are amended to include animals, you’re going to have to stay low-key. Take the Legalize Pot! bumper sticker off your Prius, get rid of the Happy Hempy Hippy t-shirt and just be cool, man. And you can forget about trying out this lousy excuse for growing pot too: “Dude, it’s not for me, it’s for my dog!”
“Yo Fido! Don’t bogart that patch, dude!”
“Dude, where’s my Beagle!?”
“I thought cannabis was deadly to dogs?? Is it only if they consume it orally?? My dog ate 9 choco chip and cannabis cookies (by mistake) it cost me $1500 at the vet”